When parents separate or divorce, children often face the challenge of adjusting to life in two different homes. This transition can feel unsettling, but with the right support and structure, children can develop the resilience they need to thrive. Helping kids feel emotionally secure and adaptable in both households is one of the most important goals of any co-parenting arrangement.
A key part of building resilience is creating a sense of stability. Kids should know what to expect in each home—routines for meals, bedtime, schoolwork and even simple things like where their belongings go. Consistency doesn’t mean both homes need to be identical, but children benefit when each environment feels predictable and secure.
Communication and a reasonable sense of control
Parents can support their child’s emotional well-being by keeping their lines of communication open and age-appropriate. Co-parents should encourage kids to talk about their feelings, and listen without judgment. It’s important that children know they can express themselves without worrying about hurting either parent’s feelings.
Children also become more resilient when they don’t feel caught in the middle. Parents should avoid speaking negatively about each other in front of their children and should not use kids as messengers. When children see their parents cooperating and treating each other respectfully, it reassures them that they don’t have to choose sides or manage adult problems.
Providing each child with some sense of control can also strengthen resilience. If you and your child’s other parent don’t live together, allowing your kids to personalize their space in both homes, choose which toys or books to bring along, or have a say in their schedule (when appropriate) helps them feel more grounded and comfortable.
It’s also helpful to acknowledge that some transitions will be hard. Let children know that it’s okay to feel sad or frustrated, and reassure them that those feelings are normal. Remind them often that both parents love them and are committed to their happiness and success, no matter where they are living on a given day.
With care, cooperation and attention, parents can help their children feel confident and resilient, no matter how many homes they have.
